How to become a World Class Traveller

In my very limited travel experience, I've learnt that there are certain rules to be observed if you want to be a successful traveller. You know, the sort of people you hear about when you go home that have these incredible stories about all sorts of unimaginable things. Up until now, I've always wondered how people could have so many borderline unbelievable stories. However, I think I may have cracked it.

If you yourself want to be loved by foreigners, and then loved again when you go back home, there are just a few simple rules that you need to follow*. Soon, you'll be the life of every party, and be the person that everyone wants to know.

I felt that this may be too hard to explain just in text, so I've decided to add a few laptop-drawn pictures, to really emphasise these points. I have two characters in the following sequences; Me and foreigner.

Right. Let's begin.

1. Feign an interest

Especially in foreign countries/cultures, you can't be guaranteed that people will have shared interests with you, so you'll need to develop new ones.

You won't know what they are though, until someone else mentions it.


However, it should all be smooth sailing from this point onwards.

The upside is that you will develop an entire new friendship group! I'm sure that, in time, you could look past their unheathly obsession with insects. And maybe even learn to enjoy visiting insect exhibtions. After all, what are friends for?

2. Exaggerate everything

It is a well known fact that 'genuine' stories are never really as interesting as your friends make them out to be. So go on, why not add a bit of flair to your stories. It's not lying, it's creative licence, and the people will love you for it.

Before you know it, everyone will want to know more about where you come from, what you do and how to become your new Best Friend. They will even mistake you for Kiesha Castle-Hughes. Just pray like hell that your newfound friends don't ever come to New Zealand.

3. Generalise

Sure, I get annoyed by constantly being asked if I've kissed a sheep, or whether I starred in Lord of the Rings, or if I know everyone in New Zealand, but foreigners love it when you do this to them in return!

I have a swedish friend here, and his name is Daniel. The following sequence would be a typical everyday conversation between us. Daniel plays the role of Foreigner. Please note how we only ever talk about stereotypes from his culture. Under no circumstances should you change the topic, unless you want the conversation to die a long, and horridly awkward, death. Along with your chances of finding friends.

This is always incredibly entertaining, and you will reap the rewards of this behaviour before you know it. It is rumoured however, that I am lucky Daniel is still my friend.

So, just follow these three simple steps and before you know it, you'll have so many friends that your Facebook page won't cope, and your computer will simply explode under stress.

*Not actually to be followed.

Envy Syndrome

Having recently blinked and then woken up in Germany, have I pondered on what actions I've taken to lead me down this path. What is it that motivates me? Where has this drive to get out and explore come from? After some time thinking about this, I discovered that I don't really have any logic behind what I do, although it's usually out of envy.

In hindsight it seems quite silly, but at the time it always seems to make perfect sense. I am always so inspired after hearing stories of people who've travelled the globe or accomplished great feats, to the point where I usually set out to try and imitate the same thing.

When someone puts forward in conversation "I lived in Africa for 7 years and cured poverty in the village I was living in", or "I've been to so many places that I can now speak 12 languages", I end up having a burning desire to accomplish the same thing. I'm unsure why, but its like I can't stand the thought of me missing out on something someone else has done.

However, when I try to put these things into practice, does it not always work out how I had planned it in my head.

For example, I recently spent two months in South East Asia. After everyone had raved and ranted about how great Asia was, this is how I expected the trip would go:

Me, before trip:

(Me, young and naive. I figured an unflattering photo would highlight this.)

and me, afterwards...

I would have reached a higher plain, and suddenly all would become clear in my life. Sadly however, the reality was more like this:

Before trip:

and afterwards...

(clueless - when I google image-searched 'clueless guy' this is all that came up)

It's not to say I didn't enjoy my trip, but I didn't return with pope-like status or as some form of demi-god. Somehow, this had seemed like the next logical step in my brain.

I've decided to name this demoralising disease as 'Envy syndrome'. Needless to say, this has resulted in several problems.

Sure, maybe a friend really had cured some sort of problem in Africa, but I thought I'd start with something a bit more manageable. So I decided to give a begging Serbian woman money. After doing so, and being satisfied with my good deed, I continued with my day believing I was a better human being. "If I can handle this, surely I can handle Africa" I thought to myself. However, the begging Serbian decided to tell a few friends that maybe I was easy to get money out of, and before long I had 15 odd members from the same family following me round. Well, not just following me, but hunting me. It was like a scene out of Jurassic park. They were predators, and there I was just offering myself to them. This got me thinking; maybe humanitarianism isn't quite as glamourous as it's made out to be, and that Africa would have to wait.

Not to be deterred by this, I figured I would continue to try and do something else incredibly exciting, even if just for the sake of having something to brag about at a dinner party. Everyone speaks lots of languages, so I wanted to speak another one too. Why not just move to Germany? It seems simple enough, and I'm sure it'll give me plenty of stories when I return home. Whats more is I'll have an epiphany and suddenly all will become clear in my life.

Well, it hasn't. I live in Germany, and try speaking german occasionally. I thoroughly enjoy it over here, and am glad I did it, but it hasn't been quite the epiphany that I thought it would be before I left. If anything, its only highlighted how many more things I want to do/see/explore/learn before I go home.

The moral of this story is that, I think, maybe I shouldn't be so reliant on expectations, because usually what I expect and what I get are two completely different things.

I don't really know where this blog post came from. Will post a proper one again shortly.

Oh, and for those who haven't already seen what I got up to in Asia, check out this link below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TF4WsHyH0zk

The city of Love

So, I've finally taken my first Holiday here, since going on holiday. A good friend of mine from back home, Samantha, came with and we hit up Milan and Paris, not finding however what we were expecting.

Our first stop was Milan, however I was lucky to make it even that far. I didn't check in for my flight as Sam hadn't either (however she was on a UK passport, and all EU citizens don't need to check in). Noone said anything until I boarded the plane, and the incredibly rude flight attendant told me I hadn't checked in, and that I would need to wait to have clearance from the captain, before he'd allow me on his flight. Two minutes later it was resolved, and she told me to take a seat. Five minutes after this, she came down the aisle and asked me to show my Passport again. I had put it away having been distracted by a rather large woman in the row beside me, and forgotten I had put it away. After searching in vein for 10 minutes, they evacuated the rows behind and infront of me, and made them search for my passport too. I found it in the back pocket of my bag, and then walked rather embarrasingly to the flight attendant whilst the passengers applauded me. It wasn't so bad; I only delayed the flight by 20 minutes. I made a lot of friends that day. 198, to be exact.

Milan was the first stop. Having been incredibly grateful to get away from the scolding looks I was receiving in the plane, Sam and I boarded a bus not knowing where we were going. Luckily enough, we got off at the right train station in Milan and eventually managed to find our hostel. My first impression of the city was that its actually quite dirty. A lot of the buildings are cool, but very run-down. The roads aren't maintained, there is rust from the tramtracks all over the road and the metro service could be something out of a horror movie.

The Centre of Milan was amazing, with the Duomo Cathedral standing right in the middle. The only problem with that is there are a lot of men from Ghana hunting out vulnerable tourists. Unfortunately, Sam and I fell pray to the 'free friendship bracelet' charm that so many others to on a daily basis. The contrast between central Milan, where all the big branded shops are, and the rest of the city was huge. It was more than apparent that they only really care about people with money here. There was plenty to see here (including far too much PDA), but I think the only reason I'd ever visit this city again is to see the Last Supper (you have to book well in advance for this, and so we ended up missing out).

Paris was also an incredibly cool city, and I definitely enjoyed my time there. However, it seemed like Paris was determined to get me to hate it. The Louvre was closed on the day we went to visit it, we couldn't go to the top of the Eiffel Tower due to congestion, the weather was completely shit and the people were so incredibly rude. Ok vent over.

Paris is a beautiful city, with amazing buildings everywhere. I kind of expected it to be a let down, in the way that it was probably glorified in romantic movies giving an unrealistic impression of the city. Well, it definitely wasn't. It was simply stunning, and despite my few grudges I could have stayed there for a lot longer. I managed to see a lot in the time I was there, including the Eiffel Tower, Concorde, the old war housing, going under the Louvre, the government buildings, statues and monuments galore, the Bridge of love and the list continues. However, there is so much more to do there. I never made it to Monmartre (you can take a tour and see where Amelie was filmed there), I never made it to the Moulin Rouge or managed to get inside the Louvre itself. Oh well, perfect excuse for another trip there.

Am now back in Berlin and the hunt begins for a job. Hopefully I can find one shortly, so I can remain here in Europe. Fingers crossed.

One crazy night

So, having been rather slack in keeping this updated, I figured I better give a rather indepth story as to what's been happening in the last four weeks. Not a lot really, except one helluva night out.

Just chilling in this bar full of celebs, I striked up a conversation with Madonna. As it turns out, she was really quite boring. Way too interested in how she looked compared to everyone else there and whether there were any young celebs that may have lesbionic tendencies. Yawn.

Then there were a couple of assumedly 'well-known' Tennis players, who were desperate to get a photo with me. They were so painful they actually followed me round for half the night.

I decided to leave, and arrived at another high end club in Berlin with Angelina. Would have been fine, if she could have talked about something else other than 'Salt' the whole night.
However, she is quite the dancer, I must admit.

Having worked up a bit of an apetite, I found the next free table and sat down and ordered. Who

should join me there none other than George Clooney. He was actually not too bad to talk to, and gave me a rolex just for sitting with him. However, I'm fairly certain he was just way too interested in Madonna for things only to be 'amicable' between them.

All 'n all not a bad night out, but hoping that next time maybe I'll meet some real A-listers.

Lost in a big city

So it's been a wee while since my last post - but I have been so preoccupied that I have neglected this a bit. The good news is, I now have a flat! Close to central Berlin with two germans - which is about as much as I could have ever asked for.

The language barrier is still tough - but starting another course on Monday so all is good. Praying for fluency, however I don't expect it'll come anytime soon. And I'm also starting to apply for jobs so that I can stay over here in Europe.

The feeling of missing out on life back home is starting to become a little overwhelming - with my sisters 21st in the weekend, and my Dad flying off to Perth, I have little idea of what really is going on back home. Also, without having a close group of friends here with whom I can speak easily (and fluently), I sometimes question the intelligence of what I've done. Well, as they say, nothing ventured nothing gained - and I'm sure I'd regret not coming to Europe a lot more than coming here and toughing it out.

The world cup here is mad - I was on the fanmeile (a big fan street in the middle of Berlin) to watch the Germany Spain game. Even after having flags painted all over me (and being yelled at by Germans for wearing German flags when I'm not German) it still did not do much to help Germany win. However, it was still awesome to be there amongst thousands and thousands of people and was a good night out. It reminds me of just how small New Zealand is. Especially when I catch trains in the wrong direction, and it takes me 3 or 4 stations before I notice.

Starting to miss little things about New Zealand - like just how good our supermarkets are, or how easy our banks are to use. As it turns out, not all German banks accept deposits in cash. Utterly bizarre.

Although life here is fun, I can't wait to get out and explore other countries - I have so far spent nearly 6 weeks here in Berlin so I think I should probably get a crack on before I get stuck in a routine. Eagerly awaiting a mate of mine coming over to visit in August - hopefully we will be checking out Italy and France next month!

Anyway, when I have more substantial news, I will write again.

Unrealistic Expectations

Picking myself up and moving to a Foreign country for an unlimited amount of time? Sure, I'll have a job within two weeks and be fluent within a month. I will have the best time of my life and will always look back fondly on these memories.

These are a few of the thoughts that occupied my mind whilst daydreaming about travelling the globe. I'll have a blast and get to experience the world. However, reality has sunk in and I've had to remove my rose-tinted glasses. Learning another language is hard, coupled by the fact that German itself is one of the hardest latin-based languages to speak. Most other latin languages (including English) have lost finicky details that German insists on keeping.

I feel like a pre-school child, both in terms of what I'm learning and in my inability to express myself. I can speak the basics, but as a friend quite correctly pointed out - it's a matter of age. If we were pre-schoolers, it would be fine, as we would only have childish thoughts. However, as adults, to go back to having the vocabulary and understanding of a 4 year old is, at the very least, challenging.

Also, finding a flat is turning into quite a mission. I am still stunned by just how many manically crazy people are out there. I am often reminded by others though that I'm in Berlin, and so anything goes. For example, strolling through one of the main parks in Berlin to discover the park-goers were all naked was quite a shock to the system. However, it doesn't stop there. Some of the antics I've seen people get up to in bars, down alleyways and even in public train stations never ceases to amaze me.

There are also lots of Gypsy beggars everywhere. I found out today that they are taken from their homeland by some form of 'mafia' with the promise of having work in Berlin, to support their (usually jobless) family back home. They crowd about 20 women and children into a single room to live/sleep, and during the day they go out and beg for money, usually with children that aren't theirs. With the money that tourists give them, it goes directly back to this form of 'mafia' who use it to buy more women to come to Berlin. It's sad, but the only way you can really do anything about it is to refuse to give them money.

However, it's not all bad. Trying to find a flat with somewhat sane people this week has put me in a bit of a bad mood. I do have lots to rave about as well. My roommate and I went to the Unsicht Bar (Blind restaurant) for dinner the other night. It was simply amazing. I could not see a thing, or do anything on my own. We even ordered surprise menus, so we had no idea what we were eating. The bonus was, I found something on my plate I didn't like - so I kept just picking up the stuff I didn't like and putting it on his plate. None the wiser. Fantastic.

There are also markets/street festivals/concerts every other weekend, and there is just so much to do it is impossible to become bored. There is a movie cinema that screens movies on a Monday night without telling you what you'll be seeing. Basically, you buy a ticket for four euros, and hope for the best. Went to Potsdam on Thursday, which was also just fantastic. I saw the Sanssouir Castle, and the surrounding ones as well. The palace lands were simply awe-inspiring. I can only imagine what it would have been like to walk these lands back in the 17th Century. I also went to the History museum yesterday, and absolutely loved it. It covered Germany from 100B.C to 1994A.D. I will definitely have to return as there was so much to see I didn't get through all of it.

People keep saying that Berlin is a decadent city, and I'm starting to see why. There are parks everywhere, so you can just buy a couple of beers and go drink in the sun. Generally, whereever you go there are also fantastic historic buildings/monuments to gaze at, I sometimes get the feeling of 'what have I done to deserve all this'. Also, the fact that it's now summer also helps.

Well, I have to find a flat and enrol in a new language school by Saturday, so fingers crossed it all works out. Will post again soon.

More than I can chew?

So I've been a little bit slack in keeping this updated - I have just been so busy since I started school I have not been able to keep up.

Learning a new language, as it turns out, is not as easy as first thought. The more I learn, the more I realise I don't know. I'm starting to think that the idea of being fluent after one year is not entirely feasible. I guess only time will tell. I'm trying to learn about 20 new verbs a day currently, along with grammatical structure and everything else that goes with learning a new language. Seems a little daunting.

I am constantly tired after school, and I also have to find a new flat and job within the next few weeks. Along with trying to explore the city and socialise as much as possible to network, I find myself continually exhausted.

Berlin is constantly full of surprises. I am in a homestay at the moment in a particularly awesome part of the city. There are quaint parks and statues everywhere, along with cafes and wine and cheese bars. The more I explore, the more I can see myself staying here. However, finding a flat seems to be another issue. People here are odd, and naturally have odd adverts. There are adverts such as "We only want a 24 year old female vegan native french speaker". Talking to other people I've met here, I have heard all sorts of other horror stories.

I'm also trying to familiarise myself with the cheap travel websites - as if you book at the right time you can travel incredibly cheaply. As much as I love Berlin, there are so many places I want to visit around here. The idea of driving for a couple of hours in any given direction and then being in a new country, with a different culture and a different language is still quite hard for me to get my head around.

The cultural difference isn't huge, but there definitely are differences. Even little things, like the way people phrase sentences come off a bit abrupt to me. Not that this is the intention, but it's just a different mindset. Also in the supermarkets, milk generally isn't refridgerated and anything slightly expensive (for example: Handheld shavers) are kept in locked cabinets. Which then also means trying to approach staff and ask them for help. And then trying to understand what's going on.

Anyway, I'm heading off tonight to watch one of the football matches at some bar with mates from my school. The world cup is huge here - I think I'm going to have to learn to like the game very quickly. Even at my school they've put a draw table up.

That is all for now. Life seems to be slipping back into a loose routine again, which is nice but I am also worried about beocoming complacent and not seeing much more of the continent.

I will write again when I have more substantial news. Ciao.