In my very limited travel experience, I've learnt that there are certain rules to be observed if you want to be a successful traveller. You know, the sort of people you hear about when you go home that have these incredible stories about all sorts of unimaginable things. Up until now, I've always wondered how people could have so many borderline unbelievable stories. However, I think I may have cracked it.
If you yourself want to be loved by foreigners, and then loved again when you go back home, there are just a few simple rules that you need to follow*. Soon, you'll be the life of every party, and be the person that everyone wants to know.
I felt that this may be too hard to explain just in text, so I've decided to add a few laptop-drawn pictures, to really emphasise these points. I have two characters in the following sequences; Me and foreigner.
Right. Let's begin.
1. Feign an interest
Especially in foreign countries/cultures, you can't be guaranteed that people will have shared interests with you, so you'll need to develop new ones.
You won't know what they are though, until someone else mentions it.
However, it should all be smooth sailing from this point onwards.
The upside is that you will develop an entire new friendship group! I'm sure that, in time, you could look past their unheathly obsession with insects. And maybe even learn to enjoy visiting insect exhibtions. After all, what are friends for?
2. Exaggerate everything
It is a well known fact that 'genuine' stories are never really as interesting as your friends make them out to be. So go on, why not add a bit of flair to your stories. It's not lying, it's creative licence, and the people will love you for it.
Before you know it, everyone will want to know more about where you come from, what you do and how to become your new Best Friend. They will even mistake you for Kiesha Castle-Hughes. Just pray like hell that your newfound friends don't ever come to New Zealand.
3. Generalise
Sure, I get annoyed by constantly being asked if I've kissed a sheep, or whether I starred in Lord of the Rings, or if I know everyone in New Zealand, but foreigners love it when you do this to them in return!
I have a swedish friend here, and his name is Daniel. The following sequence would be a typical everyday conversation between us. Daniel plays the role of Foreigner. Please note how we only ever talk about stereotypes from his culture. Under no circumstances should you change the topic, unless you want the conversation to die a long, and horridly awkward, death. Along with your chances of finding friends.
This is always incredibly entertaining, and you will reap the rewards of this behaviour before you know it. It is rumoured however, that I am lucky Daniel is still my friend.
So, just follow these three simple steps and before you know it, you'll have so many friends that your Facebook page won't cope, and your computer will simply explode under stress.
*Not actually to be followed.
Hi there,
ReplyDeleteLong time reader, first time commenter!
Just wanted to add in my 2 cents here, for what it's worth, I think it's all about what you don't say rather than what you do. For instance, my class of Japanese students may think that dinosaurs roam NZ (they do they're just really small and rare) and that every NZer keeps 10 sheep (No, some NZers keep many sheep, there is just 10 times our population). We as innocent informers cannot be blamed for any mis-interperetation.
Great blog!